Life Faster Than Thoughts
Reflections on touring through Saudi Arabia by Micha Königs
How do you look for something
when you don’t know what it is?
What if you don’t even know the place to look?
And you’re not even sure who is searching — or why?
And how do you find something when you’re not searching at all?
Because sometimes, when it seems like I have everything, I notice that something is missing.
And sometimes,
when I have almost nothing,
I realize I have everything.
For the past two weeks, life moved faster than my thoughts could catch up.
Between lamb heads, dates, and eating rice with my fingers,
on roads I thought I'd never ride,
places I'd never see,
people I never knew I needed,
I found something
I didn’t even know I was missing.
My perception of speed and movement got increasingly disoriented in the rat-race style I am living my life.
Between friendships, working, training, and finishing university,
it’s sometimes hard to see where I am headed.
Comfort pace sometimes feels too intense,
or like it’s not getting me anywhere.
Speeding up sometimes creates clarity.
Things get blurry.
Random thoughts come into my head,
but don’t stay long
and don’t have as much impact as normal.
Speed and power stabilize me.
Right now, I am flying.
No thought can keep up with me.
Not scared of dying,
just of not having lived enough.
I am prepared for the slip,
because I know how to stay upright.
I accept that I cannot remember everything
and hold on to every moment,
in order to make space for the new.
Still, I don’t forget the important faces,
roads,
and realizations.
For the past two weeks, life moved faster than my thoughts could catch up.
Between lamb heads, dates, and eating rice with my fingers,
on roads I thought I'd never ride,
places I'd never see,
people I never knew I needed,
I found something I didn’t even know I was missing.
My perception of speed and movement got increasingly disoriented
in the rat-race style I am living my life.
Between friendships, working, training, and finishing university,
it’s sometimes hard to see where I am headed.
Comfort pace sometimes feels too intense,
or like it’s not getting me anywhere.
Speeding up sometimes creates clarity.
Things get blurry.
Random thoughts come into my head,
but don’t stay long
and don’t have as much impact as normal.
Speed and power stabilize me.
Right now, I am flying.
No thought can keep up with me.
Not scared of dying,
just of not having lived enough.
I am prepared for the slip,
because I know how to stay upright.
I accept that I cannot remember everything
and hold on to every moment,
in order to make space for the new.
Still, I don’t forget the important faces,
roads,
and realizations.
I understand something I wasn’t questioning.
It’s not a race to the end.
It’s a journey through my life.
Moment by moment.
Emotion by emotion.
Highs and lows.
On my own and connected with others.
Sometimes at full speed until the next town sign.
Sometimes head over heels into a new country with new people.
Sometimes easing off,
and not letting only emotions pass,
but taking them in.
Finding the strength to leave questions temporarily unanswered,
trusting that I’ll have the strength to live out the answers.
Looking at the sea,
sitting on the curb,
in the backseat of a car,
or beneath a thousand stars,
I came to realize that my gratitude and contentment are not in deciding for one life.
It’s living everyday life to the fullest,
while also seeking the unknown,
to make new memories to come home with.
It lives in the moments I share with my friends:
creating love,
memories,
and the foundations of my life.
And in the distance,
where their impact and support reveal themselves most clearly.
Happiness is not the absence of sadness.
Self-confidence is not the absence of doubt.
Energy is not the absence of tiredness.
Being is not one-sided,
but being able to handle both.
It’s not the absence of contrasts,
but the way they highlight the details
and clarify what is important.
It’s not chicken or rice,
it’s chicken and rice.
I am coming home,
but I will be back on the road.
I can be both the storm in motion
and the calm that follows.
I can be happy and still searching.
I can be on my own and still not alone.
I am me through the connection with you.
And I will keep on finding.
Inshallah.
